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a nomad in the land of nizwa

~ an American English teacher in Oman

a nomad in the land of nizwa

Category Archives: Death

friday meditation: a question of fate

19 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by nomad, interrupted in Death, Fate, Friday Meditation, Islam, Middle East, Oman, Spirituality

≈ 41 Comments

Tags

Oman, Spirituality, WPLongform

Friday, April 19: This week, one of my students was absent all week. She’s a sweet girl who poured her heart out to me a couple of months ago about losing her father in a car accident when she was a child.

Toward the end of this week, she came to see me in my office, crying.  She handed me an excused absence for the three days of the week she had missed and told me her uncle just died in a car accident.  Then she said, “You know, teacher, it’s the same uncle who called you about your car.”

the tomb of Mohammed bin Ali in Salalah, Oman

the tomb of Mohammed bin Ali in Salalah, Oman

Before I listed my car for sale to the public on April 1, I mentioned to my students that I was going to offer my car for sale starting in April.  This student immediately called her uncle, while we were still in the classroom, and told him about the car.  She asked me all the details and I wrote them on the board.  She did what most students do when I write homework assignments or anything important on the board. She took a picture of the information with her phone.

That evening, her uncle, who sounded quite young on the phone, asked me about the details of the car.  I told him all about it and he said he would get back with me. The next day after class, the student accompanied me to the parking lot so she could take pictures of the car.

gravestones in Salalah, Oman at the Tomb of Mohammed Bin Ali

gravestones in Salalah, Oman at the Tomb of Mohammed Bin Ali

Her uncle called again after seeing the pictures of the car that my student had sent him.  But he never arranged to see the car, and I never heard from him again.

When my student told me that her uncle, this same uncle, just died in a car accident, my heart went out to her. I was shocked.  Although I’d never met the young man, I had spoken to him twice on the phone.  When I asked how the accident happened, she said he was alone in the car and fell asleep.

more tombstones in Salalah

more tombstones in Salalah

Though there isn’t much traffic on Oman’s highways outside of Muscat, people drive like maniacs here.  Fatal car accidents happen quite frequently.  According to a May 22, 2012 report by MuscatDaily.com: ONE KILLED EVERY EIGHT HOURS IN ROAD ACCIDENTS IN OMAN, these are the statistics:

Road facts
–   Every eight hours someone is killed in a road accident in Oman
–   Every hour someone is injured in a road accident in Oman
–   Every 56km there is a death on Oman’s roads.
–   Speeding and reckless driving account for 72 per cent of all accidents.
–   In 2011, ROP imposed over 2.24mn fines for speeding.
–   Compared to 2010, 2011 saw a 30 per cent increase in the number of deaths due to speeding.
–   Nearly 60 per cent of all deaths on the roads are due to speeding.
–   According to WHO, road traffic accidents are the third biggest killer of people in Oman.

After she left me, I thought about my poor distraught student and the tragedy of losing an uncle to a car accident after already having lost her father to an accident when she was a child.

Then the thought hit me:  I wondered if the uncle would still be alive if he had bought my car. I wondered if the time he took to buy the car, or the fact of being in my heavy solid GMC Terrain, might have changed the trajectory of his life and thus the outcome.  The whole idea of this made me think of the movie Sliding Doors, starring Gwenyth Paltrow as Helen, the main character.

a cemetery near Plakias, in Crete, Greece

a cemetery near Plakias, in Crete, Greece

Sliding Doors is a 1998 British-American romantic comedy-drama film starring Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah. The film alternates between two parallel universes based on the two paths Helen’s life could take depending on whether or not she catches a train.  In the film’s conclusion, both tracks of life, one of which leads to Helen’s death in the arms of her new lover James, and the other which leads to Helen leaving her cheating boyfriend and ending up by chance on the elevator with that same James, both end with what we can assume is the same ending.  The audience is left to speculate whether it was fate or coincidence that brought Helen and James together in the end (Wikipedia: Sliding Doors).

I mentioned my thoughts about my student’s uncle to one of my Muslim colleagues and she said, “It wouldn’t have made any difference.  We believe that everything is written before you are born.  He was fated to die on this day, and it would have happened no matter what he did.”

Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, France

Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, France

After my colleague’s comment, I looked up the belief of fate or predestination in Islam.  I found that Qadar (Arabic: قدر‎) is an Arabic word for destiny and divine foreordainment. Essentially, destiny is what Allah has decreed. Allah has knowledge of everything in His creation. Nothing occurs except by His will. Human beings are given free will, and it must be made clear that destiny does not have a cause-and-effect influence on the choices humans make. The choices that humans make are all within Allah’s knowledge.

Some Muslims believe that the divine destiny is when God wrote down in the Preserved Tablet (“al-Lauḥ al-Maḥfūẓ”) all that has happened and will happen, which will come to pass as written. According to this belief, a person’s action is not caused by what is written in the Preserved Tablet but, rather, the action is written in the Preserved Tablet because God already knows all occurrences without the restrictions of time (Wikipedia: Predestination in Islam).

This is a fascinating question which I’m sure all of us have from time to time.  After checking into Islam’s belief on this, I thought I would check to see what Buddhism says about fate.  According to About.com: Misunderstanding Buddhism, the word “karma” means “action,” not “fate.” In Buddhism, karma is an energy created by willful action, through thoughts, words and deeds. We are all creating karma every minute, and the karma we create affects us every minute.

cemetery in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

cemetery in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

It’s common to think of “my karma” as something you did in your last life that seals your fate in this life, but this is not Buddhist understanding. Karma is an action, not a result. The future is not set in stone. You can change the course of your life now by changing your volitional acts and self-destructive patterns.

The Christian Bible is very murky on the concept of fate or predestination.  Some verses state that it is preordained by God which people will be saved and which are doomed to eternal hell.  Other verses say that it is God’s perfect will that all people should be saved. Most of what I can find about Christianity has to do with salvation or damnation, rather than about if one’s life is predetermined, as to life or death or other earthly matters (A Matter of Truth: Predestination).

I can’t help but wonder about this situation, along with countless others.  On September 11, 2011, many people were late to work and so avoided death in the World Trade Center attacks.  I have a friend who was in a terrible bus accident in Africa; by some freak chance she and two others survived while everyone else on the bus was mangled horrifically and killed.  My friend Mario was in El Salvador during the revolution and was afraid for his life many times.  He wonders why he never was killed when so many people he knew were gunned down in the streets.  I’ve heard of people who missed their plane flight and when the plane crashed killing everyone on board, they wondered why they were lucky enough to have been detained, and thus spared.  And I’m sure the Boston Marathoners and spectators who were injured or killed this past Monday, April 15, never thought they would be victims of a terrorist attack.  And those who didn’t happen to be at the finish line wonder why that incident happened at a moment when they weren’t crossing the line.

a cemetery in Akrotirion, Santorini, Greece

a cemetery in Akrotirion, Santorini, Greece

I remember reading the amazing book, The Bridge of San Luis Rey, by Thornton Wilder, that told the story of a (fictional) event that happened in Lima, Peru, at noon of Friday, July 20, 1714. A bridge woven by the Incas a century earlier collapsed at that particular moment, while five people were crossing it. The collapse was witnessed by Brother Juniper, a Franciscan monk who was on his way to cross it. Wanting to show the world of God’s Divine Providence, he sets out to interview everyone he can find who knew the five victims. Over the course of six years, he compiles a huge book of all of the evidence he gathers to show that the beginning and end of a person is all part of God’s plan for that person (Wikipedia: The Bridge of San Luis Rey).

I don’t believe in predestination.  Otherwise why would we have free will?  We ultimately don’t have control over our lives, but we do have the free will to take certain actions, which of course have certain or uncertain outcomes.  There really is no way of knowing whether a person’s life is preordained by God or Allah, whether our actions, or “karma,” determine our fate, or whether our lives are just a series of coincidences.  Any way you look at it, only one thing is certain.  We all will die.

cemetery in Santorini

cemetery in Santorini

In the book I am currently reading, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, the author says: Death is a vast mystery, but there are two things we can say about it: It is absolutely certain that we will die, and it is uncertain when or how we will die.

The author goes on to say: Switch on a television or glance at a newspaper: You will see death everywhere.  Yet did the victims of those plane crashes or car accidents expect to die?  They took life for granted, as we do.  How often do we hear stories of people who we know, or even friends, who died unexpectedly?  We don’t even have to be ill to die: our bodies can suddenly break down and go out of order, just like our cars. We can be quite well one day, then fall sick and die the next.

colorful gravestone in Santorini, Greece

colorful gravestone in Santorini, Greece

No one can know if that young man’s untimely death was preordained, or if he would have forestalled it by doing something different.  Whatever beliefs we have assimilated over our lives are what ultimately determine how we look at it.  In the end, we really cannot know.

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friday meditation: optimism vs. pessimism

22 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by nomad, interrupted in "Happiness", Death, Friday Meditation, Life, Optimism, Pessimism, Spirituality, United States of America

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

Life, Optimism, Pessimism, Spirituality, WPLongform

Friday, March 22: I have been continuing my meditation practice, while simultaneously reading Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill, by Matthieu Ricard. This week, I was intrigued by the chapter: “Optimism, Pessimism, and Naiveté.”  As I read and meditated on this, I couldn’t help looking at myself and trying to determine if I’m a pessimist or an optimist.

a plant has to have a lot of optimism to take root in a harsh environment like this

a plant has to have a lot of optimism to take root in a harsh environment like this

I’ve always called myself a pessimist because, when presented with an obstacle or challenge, I usually think about the worst things that could happen.  That way, I tell myself and others, I’m prepared for the worst.  If the worst doesn’t happen, then I’m pleasantly surprised.

For example, now I’m starting to prepare myself for leaving Oman in 3 months.  On April 1, I need to put my car up for sale.  I keep thinking, Oh no, what if I can’t sell it for what I need to sell it for?  What if I can’t get enough to pay off my loan?  What if I have an accident before I can sell it?  What if something major goes wrong with it in the next couple of weeks?

An optimistic outlook enables you to take one step at a time to overcome obstacles

An optimistic outlook enables you to take one step at a time to overcome obstacles

As you can see, I’ve thought of a number of obstacles I could encounter.  But instead of letting myself become engulfed by worries, I’ve made a plan and written it on my calendar.  I must go to the leasing company and find out what the loan balance is and find out if it’s possible for a buyer to take over the payments.  I must go to the Toyota dealer and get an estimate of the value.  And then I must advertise it.  Finally, I thought of the worst things that could happen.  If I wreck the car, it’s insured.  If I have to spend money to fix something major, then I just have to do it.  And if worst comes to worst, and I cannot sell it, I can ship it back to the USA.

When I read this chapter in Happiness, I started wondering if I really am the pessimist I have always believed myself to be.

The choice: move forward one step at a time, or stay stuck where you are.

The choice: move forward one step at a time, or stay stuck where you are.

According to Ricard, “An optimist is somebody who considers his problems to be temporary, controllable, and linked to a specific situation.  He will say, ‘There’s no reason to make a fuss about it; these things don’t last. I’ll figure it out; in any case, I usually do.’  The pessimist, on the other hand, thinks that his problems will last (“It’s not the sort of thing that just goes away”), that they jeopardize everything he does and are out of his control (“What do you expect me to do about it?”).  He also imagines that he has some basic inner flaw, and tells people: ‘Whatever I do, it always turns out the same way’ and concludes, ‘I’m just not cut out to be happy.'”

When I read this, I thought: Maybe I’m not quite the pessimist I think I am.

Though I call myself a pessimist, and have some of the tendencies toward worry, ultimately, I think I'm an optimist

Though I call myself a pessimist, and have some of the tendencies toward worry, ultimately, I think I’m an optimist

I continued to read on with curiosity.  Ricard goes on to say: “For an optimist, it makes no sense to lose hope.  We can always do better (instead of being devastated, resigned or disgusted), limit the damage (instead of letting it all go to pot), find an alternative solution (instead of wallowing pitifully in failure), rebuild what has been destroyed (instead of saying “It’s all over!”), take the current situation as a starting point (instead of wasting our time crying over the past and lamenting the present), start from scratch (instead of ending there), understand that sustained efforts will have to be made in the best apparent direction (instead of being paralyzed by indecision and fatalism), and use every present moment to advance, appreciate, act, and enjoy inner well-being (instead of wasting our time brooding over the past and fearing the future).”

The optimist uses several tools to live his life: HOPE, RESOLVE, ADAPTABILITY, SERENITY, & MEANING.

Ricard goes on to note that psychologists define HOPE as “the conviction that one can find the means to attain one’s goals and develop the motivation necessary to do so.”

another plant that must be optimistic to live its life here

another plant that must be optimistic to live its life here

The optimist has RESOLVE; she doesn’t give up quickly. “Strengthened by the hope of success, she perseveres and succeeds more often than the pessimist, especially in adverse conditions.”

Optimists are ADAPTABLE: When they encounter what seem to be insurmountable obstacles, they react in a constructive and creative way, while pessimists tend to “brood over their misfortunes, nurture illusions, dream up ‘magic’ solutions, and accuse the whole world of being against them.”

An optimist, even in meeting with temporary failure, is “free of regret and guilt feelings” and able to maintain SERENITY while trying to solve the problem.

Finally, the optimist sees the potential for transformation in every human being, giving MEANING to human life.

So, Ricard says, “The ultimate pessimism is in thinking that life in general is not worth living.  The ultimate optimism lies in understanding that every passing moment is a treasure, in joy as in adversity.”

Hope springs eternal

Hope springs eternal

I don’t see myself as a hopeless person; conversely I see myself as HOPEFUL and ADAPTABLE.  My problem is in maintaining SERENITY in the face of obstacles.  Often I get annoyed, irritable, worried, depressed and angry when I’m faced with obstacles.  The only positive is that these states of mind come and go like fireflies on a summer night.  But ultimately, I have enough confidence in myself to believe that I can solve any problem that is thrown in my path.  I never feel like life isn’t worth living; neither am I ever willing to play the victim.

I know a number of people in Oman who are absolutely miserable; they’re true pessimists.  Never do they try to make the best of their situation.  They see their situation as hopeless, that they are stuck here under the university’s dictatorship, that they have no other options, that they don’t have a country they can return to.  They don’t take walks in nature or try to get out and explore the beautiful country.  As far as I can tell, these are choices they make.  Every day, I believe people can take small steps to change their lives.  An optimist can see this easily; a pessimist cannot.

So, which am I?

Early this morning, my dear friend from high school, Rosie, lost her beautiful niece, Megan, to stomach cancer.  I didn’t know Megan very well, though I’d met her on several occasions.  I do know my friend and her sister Janet, Megan’s mother.  Their family is close-knit and loving, and they are fighters. I’ve known this family almost my entire life and I know what they’re made of.  Megan herself, in the face of being diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer, went to battle for her life.  She wrote a blog about her struggle with cancer:  This is Our Fight: We’re fighting cancer, fighting for the life we dreamed of.

From right to left: Janet (Megan's mother), Megan, and Adam (Megan's husband)

From right to left: Janet (Megan’s mother), Megan, and Adam (Megan’s husband). Taken when Megan was perfectly healthy, in January 2010.

My own insignificant struggles were put into perspective by Megan’s death.  While I have been struggling daily with a horrible job and thinking about the upheaval of moving back to America in 3 months, this beautiful and talented young woman was facing the ultimate struggle, for her life.  This morning, she lost that battle, but during her struggle she was able to keep an optimistic outlook. To me, that’s amazing.

I wonder how optimistic I would be in the face of the ultimate struggle: with death.  I really don’t know.  But I certainly admire a person like Megan who met death with courage and the certain conviction that SHE, if she had her say, would choose life.

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  • Living in Paradise...
  • SterVens' Tales
  • PIRAN CAFÉ
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  • Pit's Fritztown News
  • Fumbling Through Italy
  • Empty Nesters on a Green Global Trek
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  • life at the edge
  • Slovenian Girl Abroad
  • Let Me Bite That
  • Running Stories by Jerry Lewis
  • Finding NYC
  • The World according to Dina
  • Cornwall Photographic
  • snippetsandsnaps
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  • Storyshucker

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~ wander.essence ~

where travel meets art

Living in Paradise...

SterVens' Tales

Thee Life, Thee Heart, Thee Tears

PIRAN CAFÉ

Word Wabbit

Wrestless Word Wrestler

Cardinal Guzman

Encyclopedia Miscellaneous - 'quality' blogging since August 2011

Pit's Fritztown News

A German Expat's Life in Fredericksburg/Texas

Fumbling Through Italy

Empty Nesters on a Green Global Trek

snowtoseas

life at the edge

inspired by the colours of the land, sea and sky of Cornwall

Slovenian Girl Abroad

A blog about travel adventures written by an Slovenian girl living in Switzerland

Let Me Bite That

Can I have a bite?

Running Stories by Jerry Lewis

Personal blog about running adventures

Finding NYC

exploring New York City one adventure at a time

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

Cornwall Photographic

snippetsandsnaps

Potato Point and beyond

SITTING PRETTY

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

~ wander.essence ~

where travel meets art

Living in Paradise...

SterVens' Tales

Thee Life, Thee Heart, Thee Tears

PIRAN CAFÉ

Word Wabbit

Wrestless Word Wrestler

Cardinal Guzman

Encyclopedia Miscellaneous - 'quality' blogging since August 2011

Pit's Fritztown News

A German Expat's Life in Fredericksburg/Texas

Fumbling Through Italy

Empty Nesters on a Green Global Trek

snowtoseas

life at the edge

inspired by the colours of the land, sea and sky of Cornwall

Slovenian Girl Abroad

A blog about travel adventures written by an Slovenian girl living in Switzerland

Let Me Bite That

Can I have a bite?

Running Stories by Jerry Lewis

Personal blog about running adventures

Finding NYC

exploring New York City one adventure at a time

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

Cornwall Photographic

snippetsandsnaps

Potato Point and beyond

SITTING PRETTY

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

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