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Friday, March 29: This week I finished reading Happiness, by Matthieu Ricard, but he has given me so much to think about, I have a number of topics I’d still like to explore over the next several weeks. In a fascinating chapter called “Golden Time, Leaden Time, Wasted Time,” Ricard compares time to a “fine gold powder that we distractedly allow to slip through our fingers without ever realizing it.” The quote at the beginning of the chapter is this:
Those whom summer’s heat tortures yearn for the full moon of autumn
Without even fearing the idea
That a hundred days of their life will then have passed forever.
~ Buddha Shakyamuni
rose blossoms are as ephemeral as each passing moment
When I read this quote, I see myself a little too clearly. I am the person who, tortured by Oman’s “summer’s heat” yearns “for the full moon of autumn.” Everyone knows how much I am looking forward to leaving the relentless heat of Oman and returning to the four seasons in Virginia, on the east coast of the United States. I am so ready for my time in Oman to come to an end, so I can return home to the country I love and to my family and friends. But. The quote says it all. By wishing for the next three months to speed by, I should fear that 89 days of my “life will then have passed forever.” I can see the wisdom of these words, and I feel I should really take them to heart.
Ricard reminds us that “it is essential to the quest for happiness that we be aware that time is our most precious commodity…. For the active person, golden time is when he can create, build, accomplish, and devote himself to the welfare of others. For the contemplative, time allows him to look clearly into himself to understand his inner world and rediscover the essence of life.”
I am trying my best to cherish my remaining days in Oman, to use my “golden time.” Even though I’m impatient to leave, I still cherish the time I spend with my students, and if I can add value to their lives, I will be happy with that. I am trying to meditate daily (though I’m not always successful) and to read spiritual books. I’m trying to be aware of my own sabotaging thoughts and my impatience for this time to pass, without latching on to these thoughts and without feeling irritated and antsy. I’m spending time with my friends here and trying to get outdoors in Oman as much as I can, even as the weather gets hotter and hotter. I’m also trying to make more effort with people whose company I enjoy but have made little effort with so far.
in a rose’s short life, there is no time for boredom
Luckily, I rarely feel bored when I have time to myself.
Ricard says of boredom: “Boredom is the fate of those who rely entirely on distraction, for whom life is one big entertainment and who languish the minute the show stops. Boredom is the affliction of those for whom time has no value.” By distraction, Ricard says he does not mean “the tranquil relaxation of a hike in the woods, but pointless activities and interminable mental chatter that, far from illuminating the mind, mire it in exhausting chaos.”
the rose strives for tranquility, not chaos….
Sometimes I don’t know if the things I do with my time are just distractions, pointless activities, or if they have any real meaning. For example, I spend a lot of time writing my blogs and working on my old blogs, adding more pictures and changing the picture sizes. Maybe this is pointless activity, but for me it brings great enjoyment. When I share something of myself through my writing and pictures and I make a human connection, I feel great pleasure. When I get insightful comments from people who read my blog, or when I sense that I touch them in some way, those connections add value to my life, and I hope to theirs.
One of my goals for this year is to finish my novel. As of today, I’ve finished revising through chapter 15 of my 50 chapter novel. I feel this is a valuable way to spend my time because writing and publishing a novel has been my lifetime dream. Sometimes, yes, I waste time, watching a movie or reading a book just for pure pleasure. But is that a wrong way to spend my time? I don’t think so.
a rosebud lives each moment it is given and then passes away without distraction
Ricard says, “The idle person talks of ‘killing time.’ What a dreadful expression! Time becomes a long, dreary line. This is leaden time; it weighs on the idler like a burden and cripples anyone who cannot tolerate waiting, delay, boredom, solitude, setbacks, or sometimes even life itself.”
Maybe sometimes, but not often, I talk about killing time. Usually it’s when I’m waiting in a doctor’s office, or waiting for my car to be serviced at the GMC service garage. Or when I’m driving to work or on the interminable drive to Muscat. Yes, these things have to be done. But do I often feel that I am doing things to “kill time?” I don’t think so. Usually, I feel there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things I really want to do.
I would love nothing better than to sit and contemplate this rose for a long time…
I like Ricard’s question: “Why not sit beside a lake, on top of a hill, or in a quiet room and examine what we are really made of deep inside?” Now that appeals to me. But in reality, I only have time to go out in nature for a walk on the weekends. It would be lovely if I didn’t have to work and could just take my camera every day for a stroll through the wonders of nature, if I could just sit and contemplate the inner workings of my mind and the universe for hours on end.
Ricard tells of Tenzin Palmo, an English nun who spent many years in retreat, who wrote: ‘People say they have no time for ‘meditation.’ It’s not true! You can meditate walking down the corridor, waiting for the traffic lights to change, at the computer, standing in a queue, in the bathroom, combing your hair. Just be there in the present, without the mental commentary.’
Even in the Bible, Thessalonians 5: 16-18, it says: Rejoice always; pray without ceasing. in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
time will slip away for this rosebud just as it does for us
Ricard recommends that we cultivate a number of qualities to experience our relationship with time more harmoniously.
1) Mindfulness allows us to be aware of the passage of time.
2) Proper motivation gives color and value to time.
3) Diligence allows us to put it to good use.
4) Inner freedom prevents time being hijacked by disturbing emotions.
Finally, he ends by saying, “From the day we are born, every second, every step, brings us closer to death…. A lucid awareness of the nature of things inspires us to live every passing day to the full.”
I will try my best to enjoy my last days in Oman without wishing for them to hurry and pass. I must slow down, contemplate, appreciate, savor these final days, hours, moments. Because I know I will miss this place, and my dear friends, when I’m gone.
Aaaah my dear friend! I was very happy to read this message! Remember when a few weeks ago you had written in your blog the Count Down of when you would be leaving Oman, and not only the number of weeks and days, but down to the number of hours before your departure? And how I warned you not to be in such a rush to live for the future because that way you won’t appreciate the present? I told you about how I spent my five miserable years living in Japan, hating every minute of it, with every waking thought beginning “when I leave Japan…”, believing that everything would be perfect? That Japan was to blame for my misery and unhappiness? Something like that? And how looking back, by counting the seconds practically until I could leave Tokyo, I missed out on 5 amazing years in a fascinating country because I did not understand what it meant to live in the present, and because I could not wait to leave, I created my own hellish existence? Japan was not to blame, my attitude towards living in Japan, where I had chosen to live, was to blame. After those five years living in Tokyo were up, my crummy marriage fell apart anyway and of course, because my attitude was the real problem, nothing was perfect when I left. All I had was five wasted years to show for it.
Well, you just described exactly that – what I said not to do, only in much more eloquent terms. Oman has given you so much in the way of opportunity and friendships and all the great things you are making tangible in your post. I am so happy to read that. It says in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is “A Time for Everything”, and like all things, this too shall pass, but not before it is meant to. I will remind you of this blog posting for today when I can tell you need to be reminded, as the closer you get to the departure date, the more frustrated you may become. You will be home soon, but these words I know we all need to be reminded of because the message, whether Buddhist or Christian, is so beautiful and reminds us that where we are, it is important to remember “Be here now, be there… THEN.” xx
Ecclesiastes 3 / New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Happy Easter Cathy! xxx
Thanks for your verse from Ecclesiastes, KvK. Yes, there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. I know my season here will come to an end in due time. I won’t stop counting the days, but I’m not absolutely miserable as I do it (except at work!). I always use my free time to do things I enjoy and things I really want to do.
You know, I felt the same way about leaving Korea as you felt about Japan. Now I worry about my South Korean friends and the bellicose threats from their northern neighbor. I feel a kinship with the South Koreans and even with my Korean students at Northern Virginia Community College, who I’m sure are worried about their families back home. I often think back to how nice much of Korea was. At least it had four seasons! Granted, I had a lot of hardships there, but at least my work situation was not bad. And I met some wonderful people there.
I’m a person who thrives on change in general, and I’m always looking forward to a new chapter in my life. However, I do appreciate my friends, you included, while I’m still here. Don’t worry, we will do some things together to make my last months special. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
I wonder if next winter you will crave the heat of Oman, probably not, but the one after . . .
It’s so subjective isn’t it, how we value and choose to spend our time? There are people I know who think I’m crazy to spend so much time creating a blog and people that I think are crazy to sit for ten hours a week watching TV soap operas. 🙂
It’s funny, Gilly, I have never craved HOT weather, even during the coldest winters. I enjoy cold weather and hate the hot and humid summers in Washington, as well as the heat here in Oman. At least the heat in Nizwa is dry, which makes it slightly more bearable.
Yes, it is so subjective as to whether the way we spend our time is good or bad. I always feel if I’m doing something creative, something that satisfies my continuous curiosity about the world, something that helps me connect with other people, that is a good thing. I’ve never enjoyed sitting around watching TV and frankly I can’t understand people who do that. I know lots of people say to me that my blogging must take so much time. But it’s time spent that makes me think, enables me to be creative, and gives me great pleasure. Everyone is different, but I can’t help but feel good about the way we bloggers choose to spend our time. 🙂
I enjoyed your post, and funnily enough I was thinking just recently that it’s so easy to wish one’s life away. It’s always good to have something to look forward to (a holiday, a family visit, a theatre trip), but sometimes I think it means that the days, weeks or months leading up to it become less important, and before you know where you are the time has passed and nothing much has happened. I am going to try hard to be more appreciative of the days inbetween the ‘looked forward to’ activities.
Thank you so much, Elaine. Yes, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished the days away. And now I’m over 50 and I haven’t done half the things I should have done with my life. As your blog title says, “I used to be indecisive,” but now in my later years, I find myself becoming more decisive about what I want to do in my life. I just hope I can be disciplined and humble enough to do what I need to do and to learn what I need to learn. I need to learn to appreciate each day. After all, we all know we’re going to die, but none of us knows the hour and the day of our death. It shouldn’t surprise us whenever it comes and we should be able to go without regrets for the things we didn’t do. 🙂
I like your philosophy. I, too, am trying much harder to be decisive. My indecision is often because I want to make sure that others around me are not unhappy with, or inconvenienced by, my decisions, but as I’m getting older I think I will have to grasp the nettle and just ‘go for it’.
Good for you! Just go for it! 🙂
Once again you’ve given us so much to ponder.
I love the photos of the roses.
re: the English nun – Tenzin Palmo – who spent many years living “in retreat” and wrote that it’s not true when people say they have no time to ‘meditate.’ and suggested that we can meditate anywhere – even waiting for the traffic lights to change…
This morning on my day off, I went to get my eyeglasses repaired. It took me 2 hours to drive the ten miles there, drive ten miles back and go get gas. Easter weekend in L.A.! According to our English Nun I should have been meditating during those two hours sitting in traffic? Forget it. I think if I could spend years in a retreat like our English Nun, then you could put me in LA traffic and I’d be able to meditate and relax anywhere. Not on my one day off not when I have horrendous drives to work every day (and if I’m late I lose pay!)
That is so frustrating, Rosie! What a waste of time sitting in traffic is!! And yes, I agree, if your mind is really trained in meditation and calming thoughts, as this nun’s certainly is, then maybe it is easy to meditate. When I have to sit in traffic like this, I get so irritable and angry and frustrated, because I feel like it’s out of my control and I could be doing so many other things. I find it impossible to meditate under such circumstances. But if I could, I think it could at least make the experience more bearable. 🙂
Oh, the roses!! They are just so perfect – I feel like I can smell them, and I know the softness of the petals. Just gorgeous photos, that show your love for the subject clearly. As for your love of Oman, well….you said you will “enjoy my last days in Oman without wishing for them to hurry and pass. I must slow down, contemplate, appreciate, savor these final days, hours, moments. Because I know I will miss this place, and my dear friends, when I’m gone.” And I know and trust that you will, because your sincerity is also very clear. One thing – a fine point – but, I would say, slow down and enjoy for it’s own sake, rather than because you’ll miss the people later – an imagined future. And I think you really do that anyway, as much as you possibly can.I appreciate the effort you put into this!
Good point, Lynn, that I should just savor each moment simply because it is my moment, and not just because I’m leaving and will miss everything and everyone. After all, each moment we’re given is so precious!
And don’t forget my “point” about the rose photos – they’re gorgeous!!
Yes, I forgot to thank you for that wonderful comment, Lynn. That really means a lot coming from a wonderful photographer like you! Usually, my camera or my abilities limit my close-up photos of plants, or of anything. I was playing around with settings on these pictures, and I was, for once, happy how they turned out. It really means a lot to me that you like them. 🙂
I need to read this book- thanks!
Let me know how you enjoy it when you get to it!
…”looking forward to leave
the relentless heat of Oman
+
returning to the four seasons
in Virginia…“
Yes, Frizz. Four seasons here I come. 🙂
Already you are spreading Ricard’s wisdom, and I thank you for that. Enjoy your golden days; be aware.
I’m trying to do that, Marion. Thanks for your encouragement. 🙂
Too often I think of a time in the future when perhaps life will be a bit easier; too often I fail to take pleasure from the present time. Thank you for this reminder.
You’re welcome, Carol. We can remind each other of this. I know you are struggling right now; and I know you will make it through. Hugs xxx
“Luckily, I rarely feel bored when I have time to myself.” Cathy, this is profound. I too feel this way on my own time. In general this a profound post. I am going to ahead and put Matthieu Ricard’s book on my Goodreads To Read list. And your stated intention is perfect – do try to enjoy your last days in Oman, you really will never get these days back.
You are so right, Tahira. I hope you enjoy the book when you get to it. Luckily, I feel like I always am interested in my own life. I guess that’s why we are bloggers: we pay attention and we create a life for ourselves. 🙂